


hugs make everything better (i swear to god seo changbin)

by straythoughts (HiraethSatisfied)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, M/M, Multi, Somewhat, debut to present, jisung just wants changbin to hug him, manifesting this irl, the rest of skz tries to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiraethSatisfied/pseuds/straythoughts
Summary: Jisung just wants Changbin to hug him.(But Changbin is Smooth Brain and they need an Intervention.)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, background ot8 - Relationship
Comments: 23
Kudos: 220





	hugs make everything better (i swear to god seo changbin)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UpsideofCrazy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsideofCrazy/gifts).



> Breathes deeply. 
> 
> Hi. I wrote this fic because over the years, Seo Changbin has not had a single, one, ONE good reason not to hug Han Jisung. I know, they care about each other so much and show it in other ways. But Jisung has mentioned how little Changbin hugs him multiple times, and combing through BinSung threads and videos, there really isn't much where Changbin starts anything, and I am: Frustrated. 
> 
> So here's hoping this manifests some BinSung hugs in real life. I even took a break from my fantasy kingdom OT8 AU to write this, so please bear with me.
> 
> Major thanks to Amanda and Roel (asexy hyung line) for sticking through this with me. <3

The first time was almost an accident.

Jisung is nearly nodding off, his body simply giving out from lack of sleep. As he squints at the clock on the far wall, his cheek against the tabletop, he can barely make out the hands pointing to 3:42. He's been in the studio for almost eighteen hours now, save for a bathroom break. He thinks.

Changbin has been in here almost the same amount of time, but he looks more alert, frowning as he taps the pen against his temple and then scratches something out. Jisung watches through half-lidded eyes as he sighs and puts his pen down, glancing at the clock and doing a double take. Jisung can't help a laugh, but it comes out weak, and Changbin finally looks at him.

"You okay?"

Maybe it's just late enough for Jisung to be the delirious, tired kind of gay, because all he's thinking about is Changbin's arms. Specifically, Changbin's arms hugging him. Preferably in bed. "Are you done yet? Wanna go back?"

Changbin doesn't even look back at his papers, which must mean he's really worried. "Yeah, let's go."

He starts collecting his things and shrugging on his jacket, and maybe Jisung is a little more in love than he'd bargained for just ten minutes ago. He doesn't move from his spot, though, still watching as Changbin picks up his bag and finally stops to incline his head at him.

"Come on," he says. "I know you're tired but it's not that far and you can go straight to bed."

Jisung cracks a smile, and then he can't stop laughing, even though it's still tired and drained.

"What?"

He manages to get himself under control, then tries to get his words out and dissolves into another round of laughter.

Changbin folds his arms. "I could just leave you here," he says without any bite.

"You won't," Jisung grins, finally prying his face away from the counter. "Just laughing because there's nothing straight about either of us."

He can practically see the gears working in Changbin's head, and the other finally snorts and rolls his eyes, moving toward the door. "Can't believe you did that to me at four in the morning."

"Wait, _hyuuung_ ," Jisung whines and doesn't move from his seat, lifting his arms toward him and making grabby hands. "Come baaack."

Changbin pauses and turns his head. Bingo. Jisung knows he's going to come back, even if he seems like he won't, and just to drive in his victory further, sticks out his lower lip, _just_ wobbly enough to make even Jeongin crumble sometimes. Sighing, Changbin adjusts the strap of his messenger bag and pads back over, standing just within reach for Jisung to latch onto his hands.

"Yes? What do you want?"

Jisung's always surprised at just how tender he can sound, even if he knows Changbin has a heart of gold. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he tries to remember his original intention and asks, "Carry me?"

Changbin just looks at him for a second, surprised. He looks like he's about to say something, but decides against it and lets go of Jisung’s hands. Instead, he turns around and reaches behind him, wriggling his fingers in invitation.

Either Jisung is incredibly lucky or looks incredibly pathetic right now, but he can't care less either way. Happily, he clambers onto Changbin's back, wrapping his arms and legs around him like a koala and hanging on tight as Changbin straightens a little.

“Your bag?” he asks, and Jisung points to it next to the table. With some difficulty, Changbin stoops so he can pass it back to Jisung, and then heads for the studio door and the exit to the company building.

Warm, is the only thing that Jisung has the capacity to think. Changbin is warm and solid, and maybe Jisung feels a little guilty for taking advantage of his kindness. But this is the closest thing he's gotten to a hug initiated by Changbin since their debut months ago, and so he selfishly clings onto every second, buries his face silently in Changbin’s neck until they've made it to the entrance of their dorm.

By this time, Changbin's arms are starting to tangibly strain, and even though Jisung's really half asleep now, he frowns and slides off Changbin's back.

"Sorry," he mumbles, but the other is already shaking his head.

"Go to bed, okay? I'm going to take a shower." He ruffles Jisung's hair, and Jisung's too tired to argue or do anything else but shuffle off to bury himself in blankets.

His last thought as he drifts off is that it would be even warmer and cozier with one (1) Seo Changbin to hug.

* * *

Suddenly, it's like Jisung can't get it out of his mind.

He watches as Changbin runs after a fleeing Jeongin for hugs, sits on Felix’s lap, turns his cheek for Hyunjin to kiss. He's not jealous - the eight of them have long settled into something unnamed between them - but it does bother him, persists at the back of his mind whenever it slows down, whenever there's a spare moment.

Like now, the lyrics to Glow softly floating through his earbuds as he sits curled up on the couch and thinks about it yet again. He hadn't been able to sleep even though they go on a break from promotions tomorrow, padding out of his room so he doesn't disturb anyone. It had been too quiet, however, and so he'd turned to Glow again, steady and constant company to his jumbled thoughts.

_We can rest but it’s still too early_

_We need to rest but it’s still so far away_

_The path we must go on_

_Even though we can’t see the end, we must go to the end_

Maybe it's because he hasn't proven himself somehow, but that can't be right. Changbin is freely affectionate with the rest of them, and it doesn't seem as though he dislikes Jisung. Jisung would even dare to say they're closer than he and his parents.

So why does it ache when Changbin doesn't give him the same affection he does everyone else? Is he just not enough?

_Don’t know any other way_

_Only looked at one place for a long time_

_So where do you want me to go?_

_Look at the night sky, look at the stars_

_It’s like us, shining brighter in the darkness_

Changbin had helped write these lyrics. Changbin's lyrics always get to him, clever or heartfelt or heartbreaking. All of his passion flows through his fingers and onto the page, through his words and every fiber of his being. Jisung wishes he could do half of that, sometimes.

Before he can stop himself, a thought surfaces at the back of his mind, about Changbin distancing himself because he doesn't think that Jisung...

No. He slams the door on that idea before it can form fully. Changbin wouldn't do that. He respects and likes Jisung, and even if he did have any qualms with him, work-related or otherwise, he'd be open and honest with him about it.

Still, that leaves him right where he'd started. Why won't Changbin hug him? He usually accepts it on the rare occasion Jisung works up the courage to initiate a hug, but he doesn't start anything himself. He wants to ask him about it so badly, but something holds him back. Fear of making things between them awkward, maybe, or making Changbin feel guilty.

There's a sound somewhere behind him, and as Jisung listens, footsteps pad into the hall and toward him. He's too tired to do anything about it, so he just stays where he is on the couch, hugging his legs to his chest and internally cursing as Changbin himself rounds the corner, spotting him curled up at one end.

"Hey," he says, taking in Jisung in his entirety. Jisung sometimes thinks he can read their minds when he has that look on his face, because he doesn't ask what's going on, just pauses and then sits next to him.

It's always nice to have him close by, of course, but the few centimeters between them feel insurmountable. Jisung opens his mouth, about to say something, ask something, but the words stick in his throat. It's frustrating enough to make him feel like crying. Changbin is right here, the two of them alone for once, and he can't even ask him for something as simple as a hug.

He can't just let the opportunity slip by, though. He might not have the words right now, but at least he can do something and hope.

Before he can chicken out, Jisung shifts so that instead of leaning against the arm of the couch, he shuffles closer to Changbin and leans his head on his shoulder, snaking his arms around his stomach. If Changbin is surprised, he doesn't show it, easily settling his arm around Jisung's shoulders and shifting so that they're more comfortable.

Jisung should probably say something now. _This is nice. We should do it more often._ Something, anything. But with every passing second, he loses courage, and just settles more comfortably against Changbin, achingly silent.

At the very least, he can enjoy this moment.

* * *

Somehow, it gets worse.

They're filming for Two Kids Room, and Changbin tells him that he'd had a dream about him the night before, specifically a nightmare.

Jisung can take a joke, so he asks what it was about.

"I bought you something," Changbin says, looking down at the pillows between them. "And you liked it so you hugged me. Then I woke up."

Never mind. Jisung's heart drops a little, and he asks, "How is that a nightmare?"

"It was horrible," Changbin says, grinning as if it's still a joke that both of them are in on.

Jisung is speaking before he realizes it, something spiking uncomfortably in his chest. "Hang on." He sucks on the lollipop again to keep calm. "Why don't you ever hug me? I've always wanted to ask you this. How come you never hug me, huh?"

Changbin's expression turns thoughtful, frowning as if trying to remember something. "I do. I hugged you yesterday."

Jisung shakes his head. "No, hold on. The other members... You always hug everyone else but not me." He shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be putting Changbin on the spot on camera, but now that it's out there, it's like a dam has broken, and he can't stop himself. "You hug Seungmin and I.N, and you hug Hyunjin all the time."

"I usually--"

"What about me?" Jisung is vaguely aware of his raised arm, fingers lifted for the other members almost accusingly.

Changbin doesn't even hesitate, but he doesn't meet Jisung's eyes either. "I usually hug those who are younger than me, but I don't hug those who are older than me."

Bullshit, Jisung thinks, as Changbin lifts his face again. "Am I a _hyung_ to you?"

"You're like a _hyung_ to me," Changbin shrugs.

It feels like being slapped in the face. He doesn't even know what to say, not trusting himself to speak with all the emotions roiling around in his gut. Instead, he goes back to sucking on the lollipop, trying to school his expression and hoping that he doesn't seem as hurt as he feels.

He thinks he catches something fleeting on Changbin's face - confusion, guilt maybe - but it's gone as quickly as it was there. "They're so loud in there," he says, looking toward the wall.

And what choice does Jisung have but to play along?

"Hey guys," he starts, and the two of them shout through the wall for Chan and Felix to be quiet.

Jisung will have to push down the sinking feeling for later contemplation.

* * *

It happens again as they film for Spot Kids, when Changbin tells the camera he likes places with pleasant smells.

"So that's why you're always smelling my hair," Jisung jokes, and Minho responds, "So that's why you always lie under Han's feet."

Jisung is sufficiently distracted in faking a glare at Minho that he almost misses the next part.

"I always have to hug my _dongsaengs_ , except Han."

His first instinct is to protest and complain, but no one around him reacts. Surely someone else caught that? Surely someone will give him the voice he doesn't have right now.

Then Chan giggles, and says something that Jisung doesn't exactly hear either, since his head is lowered.

Anxiety gnaws gently at the bottom of his stomach, and he doesn't dare lift his head, even as the camera pauses for a break before the next segment. If he's a little off-kilter for the rest of filming, no one notices enough to comment.

* * *

"I'm stealing Hannie," Hyunjin announces without preamble as he throws open the door to the studio.

Chan only looks up briefly from where he's sitting, fiddling with his laptop as Minho sits with him, half in his lap. "Sure, but we need him back in an hour or two."

"Yes, boss!" Hyunjin chirps as he crosses the room to stand in front of Jisung, tugging at his sleeve. "Let's go."

Jisung stares up at him, bewildered. "Where are we going?" he asks. He knows it's fruitless to argue with Hyunjin when he has that stubbornly cheerful expression on his face, and he'd been struggling with the second verse of his rap anyway, so he leans over to stuff his notebook in his bag and hoist it onto his shoulder.

When he stands, Hyunjin stops shooting finger hearts at Changbin so he can loop his arm through Jisung's, dragging him toward the door. "To get iced americanos, duh. My treat."

Jisung can't exactly say no to that, so he lets Hyunjin take the lead, absently tugging his cap down further against the glare of the sun. It's nice, actually, to feel the afternoon sun against his skin. He'd gotten to the company building when it was still dark outside and hadn't left since, so maybe Hyunjin is a blessing in disguise, even though Jisung is pretty sure he wants to talk about something.

Sure enough, as they sit across from each other in a cafe with the promised iced americanos and some _dolsot bibimbap_ because Hyunjin had gasped and scolded him when he'd found out Jisung hadn't eaten lunch, he reaches out and covers Jisung's free hand with his own.

"Jisung," he starts, and only continues when Jisung looks up at him with cheeks full of food, widening his eyes comically. "Cute," he laughs, and then shakes his head to clear his expression. "Is something wrong?"

Jisung's chewing slows, and he forces himself to swallow. "What do you mean?"

Hyunjin frowns, playing with Jisung's fingers. "You've been... well, not avoiding, but a little colder? Toward Changbin _hyung_. I just wanted to know if something happened between you, and if I can help."

For a brief moment, Jisung considers lying to him. He could just cover it up, and try not to show it to the others, who wouldn't stop worrying about him anyway. But lying to any of the others has never felt right, and at the very least, Hyunjin won't tell him it's a stupid thing that he's feeling.

So he sighs and turns his hand over so that Hyunjin can rub at his palms with his thumbs. "He didn't do anything _wrong_ , exactly. He just... I wish he'd hug me more often, like he hugs you guys."

Hyunjin's eyes widen a little. "I kind of wondered about that."

"Yeah." Jisung looks back down to his unfinished food. "But then he said that he thinks of me as older, which is why he doesn't."

"Well," Hyunjin frowns, "he did tell me once that he feels like he always has a lot to learn from you."

Jisung feels his face crumple. "But that's not true. And besides, if that means he thinks I'm untouchable or whatever, I don't want that. I'm just me, and I can't understand why we can't have the same things we do with everyone else."

Gently, Hyunjin reaches up to smooth out the places where Jisung's face pinches together. "Have you talked to him about it?"

"Kind of. Or at least, if you count Two Kids Room."

"I'm not counting that because it wasn't private."

Jisung sighs. "What do you want me to do, corner him and demand he see me differently enough to give me hugs? It's stupid."

Hyunjin shakes his head. "It's not stupid. You'd tell any of us this, so remind yourself too. Wanting affection is normal, especially if you're not getting much from someone who you know mutually cares about you."

When he puts it that way, Jisung does feel a little silly about it. "Still, I'm just gonna let it go for now. It's not like things are bad between us."

"Not now, but they could be," Hyunjin points out.

Jisung hates it when he's right sometimes. "Just... give me time, okay? We have some deadlines coming up and I don't want to put more on his plate."

The other regards him for a long moment, then pats his hand gently. "Alright. But if you need anything, or want me to talk to him, or any of us, make sure to tell us, okay?"

Nodding, Jisung tries for a smile, and Hyunjin returns it, which bolsters him enough to start finishing his food.

* * *

Of course, it doesn't really work out that way.

Jisung does get in some crumbs of skinship here and there in the following months, but nothing substantial or lasting. Certainly nothing like the way Changbin latches onto Seungmin after dance practice or swings his legs over Minho’s lap in the car or rests his chin on Chan’s shoulder, but enough to tide him over, if he forces himself not to think about it.

There's not a lot of time to think about it anyway, what with Miroh promotions and their Hi-Stay tour going strong. Jisung throws himself into work and practice and interviews and whatever extra things he can pick up, telling Chan it's because he doesn't want so many burdens on their leader's back.

It gets harder as their promotions go on, to perform on music shows and be praised and applauded but with no awards to show for it. He knows Stay is working hard for them, but they've never been handed success before, and sometimes, it doesn't feel like they'll ever get there.

Still, they push through, and if he needs a few more hugs or hands to hold, at least he can count on Felix or Hyunjin or Minho to not think he's too needy.

Then they get the news that Miroh has been nominated for first place.

Jisung can hardly believe it. Seungmin had come running over, adorably excited, and Jeongin and Changbin are sitting with him, processing it as well. But Jisung can't help squashing Seungmin's speculations about potentially winning, not daring to give himself the hope.

"Let's just be happy we got nominated," he says.

As all the artists are called up on stage to be given the final nominations, Jisung follows them onstage, blinking in the bright lights. He's trying not to hope too much, because he doesn't know if he can deal with more disappointment right now, but he stands there as bravely as he can and reminds himself that all the artists on stage have probably gone through this at some point.

"Firstly, these are the points for the digital sales..."

Jisung clasps his hands tightly in front of him as he watches the numbers click into place. His heart climbs into his throat as more point breakdowns are announced, hammering against his chest as his hands shake.

"And the winner who won with the total score combined with the live text voting is..."

The numbers fly by, and when the final picture flashes onto the screen with the little number one, tears blur Jisung's vision.

"Stray Kids!"

He can barely hear the roar of the crowd, and definitely can't see them with the heels of his palms pressed to his eyes. Tears are flowing freely now, and he can feel someone's arms around him - Daehwi, probably - before he crumples further, hands on his knees to hold himself just barely upright. He can vaguely sense that some of the other members have gathered around Chan in a group hug, but he doesn't have the strength to move or even think about moving in their direction.

"Please give us a winning speech," Daehwi says warmly, handing Chan a microphone as Jisung finally lifts his head to look in their leader's direction.

The others move away from Chan, who clears his throat, though his eyes are still watery. Jisung almost breaks down again, thinking about all the times Chan has stayed up much later than the rest of them, put his heart and soul into everything and still felt it wasn't enough. He remembers one particular late night in the studio, when he'd buried his face in Jisung's shoulder and for a moment, Jisung had felt all the weight he tried to hide from the rest of them.

What's written on his face so clearly is a reflection of Jisung's thoughts. Disbelief, confusion, and doubt are persistent shadows coloring his expression as he bows and finally speaks.

"Firstly, I would like to thank Park Jinyoung PD, Jung Wook CEO..."

Humble to a fault. Jisung wavers, and then bends over again, bracing his hands on his knees again. This is all a dream. Just a dream.

He lifts his head again as Chan goes through all the names of people in JYPE that have helped them get to this point. Seungmin is crying on Changbin's shoulder, who has his face in his hands with his head lowered, clearly also tearing up. He can't bear to look at Jeongin burying his face in his hands as well, so he clasps his hands behind his head, trying to breathe and not look at the others lest he start crying again.

It doesn't work. He starts tearing up again, and can't stop himself, since it only intensifies as Chan's voice breaks a little, opening his heart as he always does to share the glory with other artists on stage. The tears keep flowing as he talks about Stay, and Jisung's chest is filled to bursting.

Next to him, Hyunjin turns a little as he finally notices Jisung crying and reaches out without hesitation to cradle Jisung's head to his chest. Jisung goes willingly, letting Hyunjin support his weight as he wraps his arms around him and cries into his shoulder.

"Stray kids everywhere all around the world, you make Stray Kids stay. Thank you."

The opening bars to Miroh sound over the speakers, and Hyunjin gently lets him go to greet others. It's all a blur as Jisung hugs Yosep, takes in Daehwi hugging Hyunjin, watches the other members bowing to other artists as they leave the stage. It's all too much. This should be a happy moment, and he is happy, but there's an overwhelming tidal wave of emotions coursing through his being. Shakily, Jisung stumbles off to the side and squats down, rubbing at his eyes furiously.

There's a gentle hand ruffling his hair, and the person's arms latch around his neck as he fits neatly against their legs. He can see Chan's shoes in front of him and tries to stand as the person lets him go and Minho and Hyunjin come over to check on him as well, trying to assure them he's fine. But his knees are so weak in the moment that he has to squat back down again, only standing up to be hugged briefly by Minho.

Chan takes in his crying face and hands him a microphone with an understanding look, but he's in his leader mode as he moves on to make sure the other members all have a microphone as well. The chorus starts, and everyone else has gotten over it by now, jumping and singing and whatever else. Jisung doesn't want to be a burden, so he turns toward the back of the stage, trying to discreetly wipe more tears from his cheeks.

What he doesn't expect is to look up and see Changbin walking toward him, holding out his arms.

He doesn't have to think about it, immediately latching onto Changbin. His tears start anew, because it's Changbin hugging him, his arms tight and warm and secure. This is what Jisung has been looking for, a hug that he's sure Changbin had wanted as well because he's also holding on just as tight, almost afraid to let Jisung go.

As Jisung cries and clings onto him even tighter, Changbin turns his head a little so that his cheek presses against Jisung's. He doesn't chide Jisung for crying. Instead, his words are gentle as he says, "We did it. I'm proud of us. I'm proud of you."

Jisung never wants to let him go again.

At some point, Jeongin and Felix surround them as well, and Changbin finally lets go as Hyunjin starts his second rap verse. Jisung tries not to break down again, this time because he feels so full of warmth that his heart is about to burst.

As he starts his own verse, the cheers of the crowd and the members around him grow louder, giving him the strength to finish it out before he has to brace himself by gripping his knees again. Felix, bless him, is there to hold his shoulders, and then hug him again during the last few lines, until all the members line up together at the front of the stage.

Hyunjin says it best. "Wow, this feels like a dream."

"It feels like a lie," Changbin agrees.

"This is not a dream right? This is not a dream?"

Jisung lifts the mic shakily to his face. "Thank you," he manages, not caring anymore that his voice is tear-filled and cracking.

Felix holds his shoulders again as he crumbles for what feels like the hundredth time and Chan starts speaking again. After a few of them have talked, the crowd calls his name.

"Jisung, Jisung!"

"Han seems to have a lot of things to say to Stay." Chan looks at him, eyes crinkled with warmth.

"You worked hard!" some fans shout. "Good job!"

Jisung doesn't know how he gathers the strength, but he lifts the microphone again. "Uh... Seriously... Really..."

His eyes pinch shut in an effort not to cry again, the emotions crashing through him. The sympathetic sounds from the crowd only grow, and he steels himself, gets up again, pours all the overwhelming emotions he feels into his words.

"With just the fact that we were nominated for first place..." His voice breaks, and he can't stop himself from the sobs that punctuate his voice. "I was so thankful. I really didn't expect it." He sniffles, covering his face with his hands as the members around him offer comforting touches. "Seriously... thank you so much."

"Don't cry!" the crowd calls.

"Thank you so much," he repeats, unsure what else to say, at a loss for how to convey just how much gratitude and everything else he feels in the moment. His eyes well with fresh tears.

"Don't cry!" Stay shouts, louder this time.

"Han," Changbin says kindly. "You should smile coolly."

Jisung draws upon it and the strength and warmth from Changbin's hug. He knows Changbin is just as affected as he is, but this is a time to celebrate. "We'll work harder so please continue supporting us."

Thankfully, the others step in, Chan calling for them to say their last goodbyes. Jisung pauses in the wings as they filter offstage and looks back at the stage one last time, trying to memorize all the beautiful emotions he's feeling, trying to memorize the feeling of Changbin's arms around him so tightly.

He'll tuck it away for a rainy day.

* * *

"I rarely hug Han so tight," Changbin is saying, looking thoughtful. "I hugged him..."

Jisung looks at him, and then at the camera that's filming their Vlive, quite aware that he's trying not to smile. "He hasn't hugged me so tight," he agrees.

"I hugged Hannie so tight." There's a small smile on Changbin's face as he recreates the motion with his arms. "I hugged him with all my strength." He doesn't turn to Jisung, but he asks, "Are you okay?"

Jisung is really glad the camera isn't pointed at him, because he doesn't know what to do with that information, or why Changbin would think something bad had come of the hug. Does he regret it? Something sours in his stomach.

"Me? I was really happy."

He hopes his voice comes across as sincere as he feels, desperately trying to send the message that Changbin should absolutely, definitely do it again.

Changbin is doing that thing he does when he's shy, looking away with that particular smile on his face. "Didn't it hurt?"

Jisung looks at him disbelievingly. "I was happy, even though it hurt."

Changbin laughs like he's going to change the subject, and Jisung's heart sinks again.

* * *

"When Changbin is upset, just stay out of his way," Hyunjin says, Seungmin nodding along next to him on the couch. "When he's angry, he needs personal time rather than talking about it to resolve it."

Seungmin lifts one sweater paw. "One time, we got in an argument and he got a little upset, so I just went up to him and hugged him."

Hyunjin laughs. "That's the best method."

It's funny even though Jisung's chest squeezes a little, so he laughs and claps along. It's not their fault that Changbin still hasn't hugged him again after M Countdown.

"I just did this so he wouldn't get mad," Seungmin continues, holding up a finger heart, "and then hugged him." He even acts it out, which is heartwrenchingly adorable.

As Jisung's imitating the finger heart, Hyunjin reaches over to pat Seungmin's head. "I just pat his head."

Seungmin laughs. "Right. Then he gets dumbfounded. You can see he's angry, but he's also thinking _what do I do with this dongsaeng_?"

"Right, you just need to touch him," Hyunjin agrees.

"You just need to hug him--"

"Hug him, pat his head, hold his hand, or do something like that."

While it's adorable that they're both so excited and rambling, Jisung wishes he could relate. "You guys can do that, but I can't touch him. When I touch him, he runs away."

They both start laughing again, which kind of hurts, but Jisung presses on. "I've never hugged him properly since we debuted." As he speaks the words out loud, he realizes how true it is, but he'd rather keep talking than dwell on it too long and get too emotional for a Two Kids Plus One Room. "I realized how warm Changbin _hyung_ is when we got first place for Miroh."

Seungmin must sense that something is amiss, because he interrupts, saying, "Lee Know hyung gets angry at himself rather than with the members these days..."

Minho is a much safer topic, so Jisung takes the out, talking about how the elder rambles to himself when he's angry. He thinks he does a pretty good job of masking his emotions, but the fact that Seungmin had changed the topic so abruptly must mean that he'd noticed whatever Jisung is trying not to project.

Sure enough, Seungmin corners him as they wait for everyone else to finish filming, direct and to the point as always.

"I thought that you'd figured it out," he says, casually appearing out of thin air at Jisung's shoulder and making him jump.

"What the hell? Where'd you come from?"

Seungmin raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. "You and Changbin _hyung_ ," he presses. "You're still not getting hugs from him?"

Jisung tries to be casual as he looks past Seungmin's shoulder to see if any of the other members are around. The coast is clear, so he really is stuck, unfortunately. Besides, Seungmin is persistent. If he tries to run away, he'll just be found later.

"Yeah," he says, looping his arm through Seungmin's so he doesn't have to look at his face. "But it's fine."

"Is it." Seungmin's voice is flat, holding no room for argument.

Jisung would be annoyed, but he knows Seungmin is just worried. "I mean, even if it's not, there's nothing I can do about it." He turns his gaze back to Seungmin, but all he feels is tired.

Seungmin returns his gaze, but whatever he sees there makes him pause, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. After a moment, he places his free hand on Jisung's shoulder, a small comfort.

"We'll figure it out."

Jisung doesn't have the heart to tell him he can't see how.

* * *

Maybe what he needs to do is be more obvious.

If he's too cowardly to tell Changbin that he wants hugs, maybe he can just hug him a little more often, or initiate other types of skinship. Or maybe he's desperate. It's been over a year since their Miroh hug, after all.

Either way, he tries every chance he gets.

He puts his chin on Changbin's shoulder or slings his arm around him in Vlives, leans into his shoulder when he laughs too hard, sits against his legs and pulls his wrists down to hug his shoulders. Sometimes, when it's late enough at night and they're still sitting in the studio, he'll even muster the courage to curl himself into a ball, halfway in Changbin's lap.

It works, to some extent. Changbin never seems to mind when he initiates friendly touches or other affection, and on occasion will sling an arm around him as well. But he still never starts anything on his own, not even on the one occasion where Jisung scores selfies with their arms around each other's necks.

He'd been able to pretend, at least. Pretend like Changbin was able to start overcoming whatever boundaries he'd made up for himself, pretend like Changbin was starting to think of him a little more as a younger member and might eventually start to hug him as well.

But then the In Life: The Reason introduction video had come out.

"What is Han to you?"

Jisung's huddled in the space between the shower and the sinks, knees drawn up to his chest and squinting at his phone since he'd only turned one of the lights on in the bathroom. His breath catches slightly in his throat. This is the part he'd wanted to watch since he'd heard Changbin had been asked about him.

"What does Hannie mean to me?" Changbin has a little smile on his face. "Oh, Hannie... Han to me is..."

He pauses and lowers his head, probably looking at his hands fiddling around in his lap out of the frame. Slowly, he takes in a deep breath, and Jisung could scream at the phone screen for him to continue if it wouldn't wake everyone else up.

"To me, Hannie is..." His voice sounds like an afterthought, like he hadn't realized he'd been speaking out loud. "Mmm..."

By this point, Jisung is biting at his lip anxiously. If only Changbin would keep speaking and put him out of his misery.

"He's such a fun and interesting guy. But sometimes my heart hurts for him. As a _hyung_ , I want to do better behind the scenes. As a front, I can be kind of cold toward him, but behind his back, I think of Han the most out of everyone."

Jisung can barely see the screen anymore through his tears. He doesn't know when he'd started crying, but he can't stop himself, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. _Why?_ he wants to scream. _Why would you do that when we both like affection? Even if you treat me like I'm older than you..._

On screen, Changbin keeps speaking. "I worry about him too. Ah, he keeps making me worry about him! He makes me worry about him a lot. It's not like there's anything wrong or something happened, I just do. I just want him to be happy. I mean, I know he's happy now, but still... I wish that he'll continue to make music that he likes forever. I just feel sad for him."

He flaps the sleeves of his sweater bashfully, but Jisung isn't paying attention anymore as the video cuts to his own part. He leans his forehead against the phone screen held up by his knees and curls into a tighter ball, trying to disappear.

He's never wanted to worry Changbin, or any of the members. But if Changbin had thought it was important enough to say on camera, and Jisung wasn't reading too much into it, then maybe the way he'd been acting was worrying Changbin more than usual. He knows that Changbin always worries about all of them, but he never wants to be more of a cause for concern.

He doesn't want to be a burden.

After several minutes, he thinks the tears have dried enough for him to feel like washing his face and going to bed. Slowly, he scrubs one of his sleeves across his eyes to make sure, but before he can start to get up, there's a knock at the door.

He freezes.

"Who's in there?"

Minho's voice. Jisung relaxes a little, but doesn't say anything, knowing Minho will come in whether he answers or not. Sure enough, the door swings inward and Minho's face appears, peeking in to see who's there. He looks so soft in an oversized t-shirt and glasses that Jisung almost wants to cry again, but he doesn't. Honestly, out of any of the members, he's glad it's Minho that had found him.

"Han Jisung, we have a couch for you to sit on."

Jisung chokes out a laugh, but immediately starts coughing. "Sorry," he croaks.

Minho tuts disapprovingly and pads over, sitting in front of him and placing his hands on Jisung's shins as if gauging whether he wants to be alone right now or not. But Jisung is so relieved to see him that he doesn't think about it, just pockets his phone so he can crawl forward into Minho's lap. It's so easy and natural to wrap his legs around Minho's waist and cling onto him, to bury his face in his shoulder.

If Minho's surprised, he doesn't show it. Instead, he returns the hug, hooking his chin on Jisung's shoulder as if sitting there together on the bathroom floor is the most natural thing in the world.

"I came in here to use the bathroom," he says conspiratorially. "You know, like a normal person."

Jisung can't help but laugh again, muffled into Minho's shirt. He knows it's Minho's way of carefully couching his concern in apparent indifference, that he cares just as much as Changbin. But thinking about Changbin hurts a little, even if his thoughts race in that direction.

He'll just have to work harder. Try harder to put on a happier face, worry Changbin less, lean on the others for support. Going to Changbin about his stupid need for affection is only going to give him something else to worry about, so he'll keep it to himself for now.

Thankfully, Minho doesn't press him for details, just holds him without further complaint. It's so nice to be held that Jisung almost falls asleep right there in his arms.

If only it were this easy with Changbin.

* * *

They're filming the Heart Kid's Room series today.

Jisung feels slightly anxious as Changbin goes to the room where he'll be monitored and ask questions of the others. They won't even be in the same room, unless Jisung wins all his rounds, but maybe that's exactly what he's afraid of.

"Yo," he says immediately after sitting next to Jeongin. When he gets no answer, he pauses. "Oh, he must not be able to hear me," he says, which makes Jeongin laugh.

"Next question," Changbin is saying. "What's something you can't stand? It could depend on the situation. For me, it's being disturbed in my sleep, or having to repeat myself. I really don't like those things."

Thankfully, this is easy enough for Jisung. "My music..." Changbin starts singing, and he loses focus. "The music I made, our team... Can you tell that man to be quiet?"

It comes out as a laugh, because Changbin is cute and it hurts a little, but he needs to get through this. When Changbin quiets down, he gathers himself enough to continue. "When I make music, I welcome honest feedback, with good or bad things. But I hate it when people criticize me for the sake of criticizing.

Changbin seems to like that. "Number 6's answer... I can relate a lot to that answer."

Jisung doesn't know why it feels like such a victory, but it compels him to stand and do a little victory dance right then and there.

"I have a feeling Number 6 is Seungmin."

And because it's funny, Jisung can keep going, expanding on his dance and calming himself down. Eventually, he settles enough to sit down as Jeongin gives his answer, feeling marginally better than before.

"I hate it when things don't go as planned..." Jeongin's smile twists ruefully.

"I think he's Hyunjin," Changbin says.

Jeongin makes a high-pitched noise, flapping his arms and laughing along with Jisung. "He's getting it all wrong," he grins.

"Hyunjin? Are you Hyunjin? Seungmin-ah? Hyunjin-ah! Seungmin-ah!"

It's easy to clown him, especially joining in with Jeongin, and Jisung finally feels like he can do this.

"When things don't go as planned... He sounds like Lee Know _hyung_ as well... Let me ask another question. Something you can't stand, but make it positive. What's something you like so much you can't stand not liking it? What's something that makes you go 'I really can't resist it?' Just answer me on that one thing. For example, hugging Changbin _hyung_. You love it so much that you would never want someone to take it away from you."

He goes on to list some other examples, but Jisung suddenly feels shaky and anxious, his heart plummeting to his feet. Whatever semblance of calm he'd had is gone, replaced with a cold, hollow feeling. It's like Changbin had pried into his skull and picked through his innermost thoughts, leaving him bare and exposed for the world to see.

But Jisung is nothing if not a professional.

"Hugging Changbin _hyung_ ," he finds himself saying, leaning back in his chair and holding the microphone up to his face so that Changbin doesn't miss it. He thinks he does a pretty good job of seeming calm and playful to the camera, but maybe he'll have to watch the video later just to make sure.

"Hugging Changbin _hyung_ ," Changbin repeats with a growing smile. "Is that the one thing you can't resist?"

Jisung turns his face to Jeongin, trying to find some comfort in his presence. "It's because he hugged me only once during Miroh."

Jeongin looks at him with an expression that says he can't relate, laughing as if it's supposed to be a joke. Of course. Changbin hugs Jeongin every day, so he wouldn't understand. Jisung swallows the sick feeling in his chest.

Sighing, Jisung turns to the transcriber, and panics as he sees them typing. "Don't send that! Don't send that, don't send that." The staff member blinks at him, frowning a little, but complies. Jisung scrambles for a reason, anxiety spiking in his sternum. "If you send that, he'll know it's me right away."

Thankfully, Jeongin saves him. "For me, it would be going to a public bath."

"That's the answer?" Changbin asks in disbelief, the mishap forgotten. Jisung is going to buy Jeongin something nice later, and coax some cuddles out of him.

It's easy enough to piggyback off of Jeongin's answer, hamming it up for Changbin and further distracting him. He misses the rest of what Changbin is saying as he tries to calm down again, but tunes in as Changbin is making his choice.

"Number 6," he says. "I like Number 6."

Cheerfully, Jisung waves Jeongin off and welcomes Seungmin inside the room. Seungmin gives him a look before he sits down, and Jisung shakes his head. Discreetly, Seungmin reaches over to pat his knee, and Jisung is grateful.

Changbin thinks Jisung is Seungmin and that Seungmin is Jisung, and so Seungmin turns to him when Jisung wins, suggesting that they pretend that Seungmin was actually Number 6. He looks at Jisung with the intent clear in his eyes, and Jisung is so grateful for him, taking the out.

The moment he takes to collect himself helps. He takes a few deep breaths, calms himself down. Gradually, it feels like he can face Changbin.

When he sits down next to Seungmin and Seungmin leaves, he makes a show of waving goodbye to Number 7, enjoying the look on Changbin's face.

"I got them switched?"

Jisung bursts out laughing. "Why did you keep thinking that I was Seungmin and Seungmin was me?"

Changbin looks at him with a disbelieving smile, like he thinks it's a joke. "Are you being honest?"

"Yes!"

"Don't lie."

"It's true, check the video," Jisung says indignantly.

Changbin's expression is priceless. "Really?"

"Yes." Jisung's smile fades a little.

"What? You intentionally made me confuse you guys, didn't you."

Jisung shakes his head. "I was being sincere in answering the questions! I thought you would like it if I answered sincerely, so I said 'I'll do that for this.'" A shadow of doubt works its way farther into his mind. "Do I normally not give sincere answers or something?"

Changbin looks at him again in disbelief. "Wait, I thought you sounded too much like Seungmin."

"When?"

"About the feedback."

"I said that." It hurts a little that Changbin is so shocked about it, but he doesn't say anything more to defend himself.

"You did?"

"I did."

Jisung leans back, sitting on his hands to stop himself from doing anything else and looking at Changbin expectantly. Maybe this would be a good time to ask him for a hug, but it might hurt, too.

"I thought that it would be one of you two," Changbin says thoughtfully.

What's that supposed to mean? Jisung, as always, plays it off with a joke that doesn't fully mask his doubts. "You like me better, right?"

Changbin looks away, and Jisung tries to push down the hurt by prodding the joke a little further.

"We're more compatible than we thought." His eyes don't leave Changbin for a second.

The cameras cut in front of them, but Jisung doesn't stop looking at him. Changbin finally looks back, and licks his lips, a habit Jisung's noticed he does more and more lately.

"Maybe so," he says lightly, and that's the end of that.

Jisung does get to sit close to him for their pictures afterward, but Changbin's body is turned the other way, and he makes no effort to touch Jisung at all.

* * *

Their Mini Mini Fan Meeting after the last Back Door stage is the straw that breaks the camel's back.

During their ending pose in the stage earlier, Changbin had patted his head, and as they'd stood next to each other as Chan and Seungmin were talking during the fanmeeting, Changbin had reached out to hook his finger in one of the rings on Jisung's belt. He'd also been after ever-elusive Jeongin kisses and was in high spirits, and Jisung tries not to hope too much.

He's tried to restrain himself, but the precious few times they've hugged are flashing through his mind as they perform Haven, and he keeps gravitating toward Changbin, trying to be as close as possible. In the heat of the moment, as Changbin is singing center-stage, he reaches out, and suddenly, he's holding Changbin's waist. Changbin turns, and he immediately reaches his other arm out to complete the hug.

For a split second, it's wonderful. Changbin smiles at him, the one that says Jisung's done something particularly cute, and he smiles back, feeling full. But when Changbin puts his hand on Jisung's shoulder, he pushes him instead of hugging back, a little too hard.

Jisung stumbles backward, smile still plastered on his face. Thankfully, someone behind him - Minho, he belatedly realizes - is there to catch him, and he deflates just a little, sagging into his embrace. He doesn't know what to think, or how to stop the numb feeling, so he just lets his instincts take over, smiling and dancing to the rest of Haven.

Somehow, he makes it through their goodbyes and to the end of the fan meeting, holding out until the cameras are turned off and he can finally let himself crash. The mantra of _don't let Changbin see, don't let Changbin see_ repeats in his head, and he wills his body to move in the direction of the stairs so he can climb to the dressing room with the staff belongings. Once there, he finds a chair in the corner and buries his face in his folded arms on the counter.

He shouldn't be reading so much into it. It had just been a friendly shove, something they all did to each other. But he's tired and his thoughts are jumbled and unforgiving and maybe he should just give up. It's been years since their debut, at least a year and a half since Miroh, and he's tired of trying to think about what he might've done wrong.

Furiously, he tries to blink his tears away. He can't cry now. He can wait until tonight and make some excuse to stay at the studio, and break down then. But not now. Not now.

"Jisung."

There's a gentle hand on his shoulder, but he doesn't look up to meet Chan's eyes. When there's no response, Chan pulls the next chair closer and sits down, leaving his hand on Jisung's shoulder.

"Jisung, I'm sorry."

It makes Jisung snort in disbelief, and he tilts his head so he can look at Chan with one eye. "Why would you be sorry?"

"Something's bothering you and I get the feeling it's bad enough that I should've noticed much earlier."

Jisung doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. "It's not your fault, Chan _hyung_." 

"Maybe, but I want to help. Please, Jisung. Tell me what's wrong."

Jisung slumps further down in the chair, trying to hide. There's something about Chan that won't let any of them lie to him, so he knows he'll inevitably cave. Better sooner than later, he supposes.

"I don't know why it bothers me so much," he mumbles at the floor. "But Changbin _hyung_ probably has some problem with me, or I did something wrong way back when we debuted, or something else, I dunno."

If he looks up, he'll probably see Chan frowning and waiting for him to go on. Indeed, Chan doesn't say anything at first, which prompts him to continue.

"I asked him, actually. I asked him a couple years ago, and he said he thinks of me as older, and then later said he hugs all the younger members but me. I'm just..." His voice catches, breaks. "I'm scared and sad. I don't know what to do. I just want him to hug me, too."

Gentle arms encircle his stomach, and he turns in Chan's embrace, letting all his weight sink forward onto his shoulder. It's there, out in the open now. Chan can take it and do with it what he will. As for Jisung, he's tired. He doesn't even have the energy for tears anymore, just musters enough to hug Chan back.

"Jisung..." Chan is quieter than usual as he pets Jisung's hair softly. "You said this has gone on for years?"

Jisung nods mutely against his shirt.

"Why didn't you come to us?"

"I did, kind of. Or at least, Hyunjin and Seungmin talked to me."

Chan hums, pressing his cheek to the top of Jisung's head instead. "Sounds like if they tried to help you, you shut it down." When Jisung doesn't answer, he continues, "This time we'll talk to Changbin together, okay? I promise he loves you just as much as he loves everyone else."

Jisung's face crumples, and he bites down on his lip to stop himself from saying something self-deprecating.

"You wanna know something?" Chan muses, not waiting for an answer. "The other day he kept asking small things about you because he was trying to remember whether you'd eaten and drank water and slept some. It was like you took up a small but constant part of his thoughts, and this was only when you'd been gone for a couple hours and he realized he hadn't seen you eat that day."

It only makes Jisung cling to him even tighter. "He did?"

"Yeah. So never think that he doesn't care about you. And I swear to god, I will knock some sense into him if I have to."

The image of Chan fistfighting Changbin pops into Jisung's head, and the thought of it is funny enough to draw a small, choked laugh out of him. "I don't think that will be necessary," he says, but he feels a little warmer being reminded of how much Chan cares, for all of them.

He finally pulls away from the hug, Chan keeping his hands on his shoulders as he gives Jisung an encouraging smile.

"When do you want to talk to him about it?" he prods gently.

"Uh..." Jisung looks at the mirrors along the counter for a second. His own face looks back at him, the pinched worry not as bad as he thought. If Chan is there, he can promise himself to listen to Chan if he gets too upset to think rationally. More than that, however, there's an overwhelming feeling he can't quite pin down, other than a hope to face this as soon as possible.

"Can we do it tonight?"

* * *

Jisung finds himself curled up on a corner of the couch, playing with the strings of his hoodie. It's too quiet around him, but he doesn't want music to relax him before anxiety inevitably spikes while talking to Changbin.

His chest spikes with it anyway as the door opens, but it's Jeongin who walks in, carrying a few bags from the convenience store.

"Hey," he says, raising an eyebrow but smiling, and Jisung smiles back, his heart settling. "You want some honey butter chips?"

It certainly works to distract Jisung. "You found some?"

Jeongin's smile turns into the evil one he reserves for when he's particularly proud of himself at someone else's expense. "I had them mailed to me."

Jisung laughs a little in disbelief. "Okay, Mr. Wily Fennec Fox, I'll have some. What else did you get?"

But Jeongin is already turning the corner into the dining room and kitchen area. "You'll just have to see," he calls behind him.

Jisung starts to whine, but it's cut off as the door opens, and this time, it's Chan and Changbin who enter. His entire chest squeezes painfully, but he musters a smile as they greet him as well.

"We're just going to go wash up," Chan says, shooting him a meaningful glance, and Jisung nods, thankful for the moment to collect himself.

Changbin sends him a glance too, and there's an expression there Jisung can't decipher. It's gone in an instant though, as the two of them turn into the hallway toward the bathroom.

He's saved from spiraling into overthinking it by Jeongin, who pokes his head into the living room. "Was that Channie _hyung_ and Changbin _hyung_?" When Jisung nods, he walks fully into the room holding four bags of chips and sets three down on the table in front of the couch. "Channie _hyung_ said something about using the living room tonight, so I guess I'll be in my room."

The way he says it sounds more of a reminder that he's just down the hall rather than a dismissal, and he even pats Jisung's head as he passes him. Jisung is left to wonder how much Chan told him, and curls into himself, sticking his feet in the space between the couch cushions and the armrest.

After what seems like forever, Chan and Changbin finally trickle back in, Chan hanging back so Changbin has to take the spot next to Jisung. He doesn't try for a smile this time, drawing his hood over his hair and absently tying the strings together.

"Jeongin left you chips," he manages, gesturing at the table.

"Thanks," Chan says, reaching over to grab the bags for the three of them even though they're in easy reach and passing them along.

Changbin takes his bag and passes the other to Jisung, but looks at him questioningly. "Chan _hyung_ said you needed to talk to me?"

"Yeah," Jisung says, before he can think too much, and pushes the words out. "It's... I need to be honest, I guess. It really bothers me that you don't ever hug me." He looks at Chan, who nods encouragingly. "The other day... I was watching a fan video of the hug from Miroh, and the comments underneath reminded me again of when you said why you don't hug me, or all the times I've hugged you and realized you never do it back, or like today, when you pushed me away when I tried to hug you." He sighs and hugs his knees to his chest, his eyes already blinking in anticipation of tears. "I'm sorry, it's kind of stupid..."

"Wait," Changbin says slowly. His brows are furrowed in deep thought, as if trying to piece something together. "You... want me to hug you?"

"Oh my god." Jisung presses his fingers to his temples. "You didn't get that from the countless number of times I've said it? On camera, too?"

Changbin frowns. "I thought that was why. You said it but then didn't do anything about it that often when it was just us, so I kind of just thought you weren’t serious and let it go."

Jisung bites his tongue and sets the bag of chips back on the table. "That's because when you never did anything about it or reciprocated, I thought you didn't want to hug me at all, so I slowly stopped."

He catches himself before he can continue, spilling dangerously into intrusive thoughts or making Changbin feel guilty.

"I made him tell me about it back at the beginning of last year," Hyunjin says, appearing at the end of the couch and coming over to sit on the floor between Changbin and Chan's legs. Jisung almost protests, saying that he can handle it, but he's glad Hyunjin's there, and Seungmin, who peeks around the corner before coming to join them.

"Hyunjin told me too, and Jisung was sad about it after Heart Kids Room." He sits down on Chan's other side.

Changbin looks back at them, looking more upset. "And none of you told me?"

"That was my fault," Jisung says. "I was scared you secretly didn't like me so I was afraid to bring it up, and told them not to either."

"No one is blaming either of you," Chan says gently, placing his hand on Changbin's shoulder. "We're just trying to communicate a little better."

Slowly, Changbin puts his face in his hands, then looks up at Jisung. "I'm so sorry," he starts, and Jisung is already shaking his head.

" _Hyung_ , it's okay--"

"It's not," Changbin says vehemently, setting his own bag of chips next to Jisung's on the table. "It was never my intention to make you feel any less loved or appreciated. I just put you on a pedestal, I guess, and then I couldn't bridge the gap because it always felt wider and wider. But it's such a simple thing... It's the least I can do to try to make up for it."

"I don't want you to feel obligated to hug me," Jisung says, looking at the ground.

"But I like hugs, and you want hugs, and I've clearly made you wait long enough."

Jisung looks up, eyes watery, and is shocked to find that Changbin's eyes have filled with tears as well. He reaches out to Jisung, who doesn't hesitate, practically leaping into his arms. Jisung can faintly hear the cheers of Chan, Hyunjin, and Felix in his periphery, the latter of which had just entered with Minho and Jeongin. But it doesn't matter because he's straddling Changbin's lap, clinging onto him and soaking in his solid warmth, and Changbin is hugging him just as tightly. His arms are so warm and secure, and Jisung buries his face in Changbin's neck, wishing he could just stay here.

"I'm still sorry," Changbin murmurs, low enough for only Jisung to hear. His tears soak silently into the shoulder of Jisung's shirt. "I know you have anxiety about not being good enough or being left behind, and I'm sorry for making it worse. We can even set a minimum hug quota per day or something."

Jisung giggles, wiping the last of his tears away and pulling back just enough to look him in the eye. "So like, three hugs a day or something?"

"I'll personally hold you to that, Changbin," Minho grins lazily, having taken Jisung's previous spot at the far end of the couch.

Jeongin looks up from the floor next to Hyunjin, who has an arm slung around his shoulders. "I could start denying you hugs until you've hugged Hannie _hyung_ enough."

Changbin gasps dramatically, which sends them all into a round of relieved laughter.

"Not like you don't deny him hugs already," Seungmin grins, leaning against Chan's shoulder.

Felix is already in motion, rounding the table. "Minho _hyung_ , can I have hugs too?"

Jisung watches fondly as all of them break off into snatches of conversation and gratuitous cuddling, and turns back to Changbin, who's just watching him with an equally fond smile turning up the edges of his lips.

"What?"

Changbin shakes his head and pulls Jisung back in, patting his hair gently. "I'm just glad you finally told me."

"I'll work on communicating better," Jisung promises, latching back onto Changbin's waist. "Seriously... Thank you for not thinking it was dumb."

"I take you very seriously," Changbin says, hooking his chin over Jisung's shoulder again. "So of course I'll listen to you. You always have important things to say."

"Even when I joke around too much?"

"Even then."

Jisung turns his head to press a small kiss to Changbin's neck, unsure how to put what he's feeling into words. It means more to him than words can express, anyway, especially sitting here in the comfort and safety of Changbin's arms.

* * *

The notification pops up as a pleasant chime on Changbin's phone. He'd been so engrossed in work that he hadn't thought to check his phone for easily an hour or two, but he's at a good place to take a break anyway.

Rubbing at his eyes, he reaches over for his phone before it can go dark, and sees a Vlive banner across his lock screen, which is now a selca he'd taken with all eight of them squishing in together as close as possible, barely fitting in the frame. He smiles at it as always and swipes to unlock his phone and go directly to the Vlive app.

Surprisingly, it's Jisung who's live right now, and it looks like he's in one of the rooms in the JYP building, not far from where Changbin is right now. He watches fondly as Jisung peers forward, too close to the camera as always, eyes bright as he greets Stay.

"It's been a while!" he says, as his eyes scan the comments.

Changbin glances at his laptop, contemplating for a moment or three. He could just come back to it later. He could also keep watching Jisung being cute as he attempts to continue working.

"Changbin _hyung_ , I can feel you being gay from all the way over here," Jeongin says, sliding the headphones off his ears to hang around his neck. He raises an eyebrow at Changbin from the other side of the glass window to the recording booth, even though there's no way he can tell that Changbin is watching Jisung's Vlive.

Chan, on the other hand, can just lean over and look at the screen as well as hear Jisung's voice, which he does. "Just go, Changbin," he grins, nudging Changbin's shoulder playfully. "I'll finish up here with Innie."

"You don't think he'd mind?" Changbin asks, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. "He doesn't do a lot of solo lives."

Jeongin pulls open the door to the booth and smirks. "Ever since you started hugging him again, he's even more gone for you. Didn't think it was possible."

Changbin gives him a dramatic pout, but he's already pulling on his jacket and stuffing his phone into his pocket. "Alright alright, damn, I'm going."

Laughing, Chan waves him out of the studio. As he closes the door behind him, he takes a deep breath, and a smile tugs at the edges of his lips.

It's kind of true. Ever since their rule of three hugs a day - which Minho is only too happy to keep strict count of - Changbin's noticed that Jisung has had more energy, and remembers to take care of himself and even Changbin more. In turn, Changbin finds himself less worried about Jisung, as well as more motivated and less distracted. The new groove they've carved out together is a reminder that it was always meant to be a two-way street, that they make each other better.

His feet pick up their pace, hurrying through the halls and down a flight of stairs until he reaches the floor which Jisung is on. He texts their manager to confirm which room, and knocks on the door, shuffling his feet.

A staff member opens the door, and smiles once she sees him, stepping aside. Changbin bows at her politely and steps forward into the room.

Jisung had been looking up at them, understandably confused at the disturbance, but once he sees that it's Changbin, his face breaks out into one of those brilliant heart-shaped smiles all of them love so much, Stay and Stray Kids alike.

"Guys, guess who's here!" he says, with his eyes still fixed on Changbin, but Changbin kind of forgets that their fans are watching and immediately comes over to sit next to Jisung, wrapping his arms around him.

Jisung makes a small squeak of surprise, but then he's laughing and eagerly returning the hug. "You good there, _hyung_?"

He's larger than life, but sometimes he just feels so tiny in Changbin's arms. Reluctantly, Changbin lets go and smiles. "I haven't given you a third hug today."

Jisung's eyes are positively sparkling. Out of the corner of his eye, Changbin is vaguely aware of the chat blowing up with messages from Stay, but even Jisung forgets it for a second as he continues smiling at Changbin, and Changbin doesn't feel the need to check the messages more closely either.

Unfortunately, they have to be somewhat professional, so Jisung turns away from him for a moment to check the messages coming in. "Looks like Changbin _hyung_ is a surprise guest for me too today. Huh? What's this 빈성 you're talking about? Is that like... Chang _bin_ and Ji _sung_?"

Changbin laughs. "Looks like a couple name," he says, and Jisung starts laughing too, because little do Stay know that actually, it's all eight of them that are technically together.

"I like it," Jisung says. "Now we just need to write and produce a love song and make a logo or something. You know, for the merchandise."

Still smiling, Changbin shakes his head in mock exasperation. He knows Stay will probably do something with that, and Chan will show them whatever Twitter posts people have made later, if the _BINSUNG CONFIRMED_ and _HOLY SHIT BINSUNG IS REAL_ in the English chat is anything to go by.

Still, they can't feed the fire too much. He manages to limit himself to just slinging an arm around Jisung shoulders a couple times during the rest of the live, and they end the live together, waving as they turn the camera off.

Jisung turns to nuzzle his head into Changbin's shoulder after the staff member leaves. "Was there a particular reason you crashed my Vlive?"

"Not really," Changbin shrugs, leaning his head against Jisung's. He doesn't particularly feel any strong desire to move right now. "You were just being cute."

" _Hyuuung_ ," Jisung whines, but Changbin can hear the smile in his voice.

"Shall we go back?" he suggests lightly, but not before letting them stay like that for a few moments longer. Jisung nods, and finally disentangles himself so they can leave the room, hand in hand.

Changbin's arms - and heart - are fuller than ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking through this! Please leave a comment, support social justice movements, vote if you're American, take precautions against COVID-19, and pack a go bag for fire evacuation if you're on the West Coast of America. 
> 
> P.S. - The song that Chan, Changbin, and Jeongin were recording together was Maknae On Top. I helped manifest it and you can't tell me otherwise.
> 
> Also, feel free to talk to me on Twitter at @hiraethstill! Take care. <3


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